We have all been there, we have met someone, fallen madly in love, feeling a swell of heart filled emotion. We have done everything right, by getting to know them slowly, choosing to pace ourselves with numerous dates, waiting to fully be in love and monogamy before sharing our bed, encouraging a humour, magic and romance to every moment to create a foundation suited to a life of honour and service to each other in deep love. We have gone through the years trying our best to bring our highest values to the situation.
Then as each others worlds start to integrate more profoundly underlying, magnified and very real reactive emotions start to emerge, fear starts to creep in. There maybe questions over how deep our partners love really is, is it unconditional? is it understanding? is it dependable? are they able to stay present emotionally? Do they think of the benevolence of partnership or are they tied deeply to their past? Are they able to accept us to the depth we have to accept ourself?
Over time, the love and romance of the first phase gets challenged beyond measure and the fear of being consumed by the other may threaten and mean imminent loss one way or another. This fear seems to override all happiness and lightness and both parties find their feet buried in the ground with a raw reality and a maze of self doubt to get through.
We are found in a confusion and array of unsettlement, insecurity, defensiveness and pain, with pushing and pulling, attacking, silence, judgement and uncertainty. There is a deep sinking sense of disappointment, there is the possibility of a future under the terms of the past, under the issues of the past; under someone else’s agenda. The fears scream out in all directions but what is really happening here? Why is it so hard and why do all our highlighted ‘reactivity’ buttons get pressed in a way that can only be seen as self sabotage and corruption? This can start to destroy all the dreams, all the life, slowly we start sinking and wondering if we will ever be able to experience that beautiful loved up period of the beginning stages of the relationship.
In my experience this ‘falling out’ is about the individual’s sense of ‘comfort’ zone in lifestyle and how the other person threatens that on a level of emotion, finance, home, child care, lifestyle and family. The elements of the individual that protect the comfort zone are the ego and ego defence, by stepping out of ones normal routines and circumstance by inviting another in to your life and by getting involved with them in all areas of their life intimately, you start to threaten the balance and the harmony of your own sense of being and life. Over time this defence strategy can become a detailed fighting job that the ego uses all tools in defence. The higher conscious seeks to respond by keeping equilibrium, the protection of of the individual self and in the fear of being consumed by the expectations of the other, there is a real threat with a warning, crucial to survival. As without this sense of harmony an individual’s grand plan appears insecure or they suddenly find themselves over shadowed by an element that wasn’t in the plan.
However, lets not overlook why the two people have come together, their chemistry, the reflective mirror they create in each other and how they support each other in sourcing their own presence through the relationship, expanding in those areas that they have lost parts of themselves in; identity, self expression or in the expansiveness of themselves in the universal truth. The universe had a plan in bringing the two together and the couple are conscious of everything they respect in each other. However these very aspects also seem to threaten them.
Have you noticed that couples that have been together for a while sometimes destroy the other in the aspects that they originally looked up to in the other? Mainly because for whatever life reason those parts of themselves became unavailable to themselves, over time the desire to have them back creates a want in another. We have to remember not having those parts active in the self was due to some form of self imposed limit or oppression, or ‘falling out’, or different path from the past which stayed with them. Projected out this can create destruction in the other, as it was the self that destroyed them originally.
The most impressive state of fear seems to come from the perceived loss of individualism, defended by the ego in merging with the ‘loved one’ and in re-integrating lost parts with the other. The process of coming together gives the feeling of welcoming the lost part of self back but over time these lost parts of self are given the same treatment and eventually they are suppressed. Which seems to undermined the person that is free, it seems to oppress her/him and bring them down.
When two become one with the universe, as is the role of sacred sex and orgasm, those that are spiritually attuned to the universal energies enjoy a sharing of expansive bliss and the sharing in growth and self understanding, enabling the role of freedom with ‘power’, ‘magic’ and ‘oneness’ to enable an expansive state of growth.
However, if one person is further ahead in their growth than the ‘other’ there is a suddenly posed threat, to the individual that maybe at a different stage of their journey of awakening, as if someone is aggressively knocking on their consciousness. This wake up is unpleasant and often too confrontational rather than nurturing. As with every conversation and junction of challenge the individual doesn’t just get asked to expand in his identity, he is asked to look inward, to be more present, which to him may cause him to feel he is loosing a sense of control; in the way he was relating, in manipulating the world on his terms. Being forced to look at an inner understanding of self knowledge. He is driven closer to the divine consciousness that seeks to strip individuality, false senses of security and power, dissolving issues down to a persons mission and purpose. Defending this loss of personal understanding and boundary in perceived self creates space to nurture fear through the comfort of ‘issues’ by attaching to them and projecting limit on the ‘other’, restricting and constricting to enable a more controlled set of circumstances.
Two people becoming one, means creating space and an allowance of emergence which demonstrates a complete re think of circumstance and demands a reshuffle of personal values with a magnified look at priorities, benevolence and experience of the self. Trust is sometimes hard to master as sometimes the sense of faith and dependancy seems to be out of reach. The immense swiftness of the fast moving catalyst energies caused by awakened ‘love’ demand to be experienced with out ties and with an open mind to growth but there are certain elements to modern living that challenge the ability for adaptation. These can be a divorce settlement, a job, a child’s school routine, a mortgage, a living situation, an unusual relationship with a child’s parent. A sense of limit in belief, a fear of being consumed through a dominant partner, a fear of being ‘taken’ from. All are aspects that limit the ability to ‘give’ oneself wholly to the ‘other’.
These elements tie a person to their past, present and future and in turn restrict and limit the ability for the relationship and the individual to grow, contorting the energies, creating a sense of major oppression and limit that can cause a partner to feel buckled over in distorted bursts of conscious growth. The constriction can cause them to buckle and run, the ego jumps in to action, closes down and often the partner rapidly falls out of love. Leaving the ‘bride’ at the alter, so to speak. The intentions of love were to remain together happily and forever, as the courting ritual encouraged. However the expectations of full integration of the two lifestyles and individuals could not be met through change, growth and freedom. The energies worked hard to combine and become one, but without the space of change and the adaption to change in the flexibility of individual lifestyle the task becomes impossible, the ship crashes.
So how do we prepare for integration with our partners? how do we get ready for the consumerism or devouring of each other through desire in expansive consciousness with a safe journey in to Oneness?
I feel it is all about trust and safety, the sense of understanding, of exposure and dependability in giving yourself to the divine will of Creation. Get to know your partners values inside and out, are they in to presence, openness, flexibility? will they make life style changes, circumstance changes, go out of their comfort zone, will they face their fears? will they be open and accepting to your character? will they manage a relationship with a strategy that means your lives will integrate over the years or are they wanting someone to just ‘fit’ their gaps and make them feel better for the lack in their life?
Try to be clear about the need for expansion in to Oneness and the strategies needed in integration, try to be honest about each others reactivity and pains, try to set boundaries in development phases and put in constructive development conversations as you move forward.
But if the growth period of expanding in to Oneness cannot be met, do not be disheartened as you will have done your best and there will be contributing factors tying the situation down that are not your fault. So forgive yourself and your estranged beloved soul mate who probably simply didn’t find a way to have the mental space or the capacity to fully meet you spiritually, physically and emotionally. Do not be afraid as this relationship was all it was and more but just not meant for this moment, let it go, let them go and they will be back if they see the opportunity of expansion more vividly in a moment in which they are freely able to ride that wave of change or their sense of hidden identity will find a new path to follow.
Be at peace my love as they still love you, they are just not as free as you or able to commit to the love of God, to the flow of Divine Will from Source. To be able to be free in love, there has to be a full commitment to light and love, in being in the bliss of the Creator. Enjoy being in the light, giving yourself to the Oneness of creation, as this allows you passed your sense of boundary, your sense of ‘comfort’ or beyond the ‘ego’, allowing a journey in to your sense of profoundness and beyond that which feels tethered and limited. Allow yourself to relish in your freedom and your space for growth knowing you can serve in honour and wisdom for eternity and receive love consistently in the space of the Creator, a place of limitlessness, of growth, harmony and bliss. The place of the all seeing, all knowing love master, that seeks to yield and share eternal bliss from the depths of Creation. A place of the waterfall of abundance, that is continuous as the turning of the earth, the sparkling of the stars and the light of the sun. Replenish and regenerate your heart centre and allow the mirror of that to be seen in the meeting of your true love, a love that seeks to fulfil and pro-create, in a positive and courageous blossoming dream of forever as they allow their energy to be inspired and to seek an allowance of expansion as extraordinary as the history of the universe and the consciousness that is thus created.
Beloved Be- loved.
by Amanda McGregor